Single Stuff

I was recently approached with a couple of questions regarding dating as a single.  I say as a single because married people should date and date often.  No question there.   Let me go ahead and clarify that—married people should date their spouse often.   “Is it a waste of time to date someone that you know you will not marry?”  “Is dating biblical?”  “Is there one person that God desires for you to marry or is it still up in the air?”  With the “Singleness and the Glory of God” conference just around the corner, I find these questions coming at an appropriate time.

 

I guess the place to start is to ask, “Is dating biblical?”  The bible is our authority so we should always start there.  Frankly, I would have to say no.  To my knowledge we don’t see any examples of how a person is to date another.  But with that said, there are a lot of things that we don’t see examples of in scripture.  Dating is more or less a cultural thing and we have to decide as Christians, is this something that we are have freedom of conscience to do.  We know that we are free in Christ but I think that 1 Corinthians 8:8,9, although it is speaking of eating food sacrificed to idols, can be applied here as well.

“Food will not commend us to God.  We are no worse off if we do not eat, and no better off if we do.  But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak.”

Even in the practice of dating which is about finding that special person, the focus cannot be on your self.  I think that most tragedies that come from dating really boil down to this divorce.  We temporarily divorce service to others from our longing for companionship.  We start out centered on how that person will fulfill my needs rather than meeting their needs and being fulfilled by Christ.

 

“If I do date, is it a waste of time to date someone that I know that I will not marry?”  I would have to say that it is a waste of time.  But that time was not necessarily wasted.  I say that it “is” a waste of time in the present tense because pursuing someone that you know you would never commit to is wrong in a couple of ways.  The first way is you are leading this person on.  Dating is different than just hanging out as friends.  When you are “dating” you are looking for some form of intimacy.  I’m not talking about sex but about connecting on an emotional level.  If you know you would never enter a covenantal relationship with this person, why would you seek to build something between yourself and them?  In the long run, it will cause more pain than pleasure.  Secondly, pursuing someone who you know will not be your life partner is to put the kingdom of God on the back burner.  Christ and the building of his kingdom take the back seat as you pursue your own kingdom—as you seek self rule rather than the lordship of Christ.  Our lives are His first and foremost, single or married.  If we are dating someone who we know we will not marry, we are not seeking Christ, we are seeking self-gratification.  But that time was not necessarily wasted.  I say “was” in the past tense because, when you started dating, you may not have known that you would never be with this person.  Once you know, you need to get out.  But if you didn’t know, chances are you have learned a lot from that experience.  You may have learned what God desires for your spouse to be and hopefully, what God desires for you to be.  Which brings me to the last thought on this issue.

Everyone seems to always ask this question, “How do you know if it’s God’s will?  How do I know if this is what God wants?”

For many people, this answer will not suffice, but it is the only one that scripture gives us.   1 Thessalonians 4:3 says, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification.”

God’s will is always the same—for you to be holy!  God’s desire for you to be holy is much stronger than his desire for you to be with “the one”.  We were created for His glory (Isaiah 43: 6,7) and it is his desire that we live holy lives.  So I always answer this question with a question—Will this lead to further sanctification?  Can you be with this person and it fulfill what God has called you to first and foremost?  You can look at every decision like this and know if it is the will of God.  Do you know of any reason why God would be opposed to it?    Augustine of Hippo once said, “Love God and do as you please.”  That is a great principle because if we are loving God when we are making our decisions, what pleases us will at the same time please him.  This is God’s will for you, that you be holy.  And you follow his will by making decisions that will lead to that bearing out in your life.  This doesn’t have to be more complicated than this.  This is not to say that we do not pray and ask for discernment.  We are still sinners, you know.   We are prone to be self-centered.  But this is what God wants and I can say that with full assurance.

This is getting lengthy, I know.  I hope this was of some help.  I obviously didn’t exhaust this subject but I would like to invite everyone to the “Singleness and the Glory of God” conference at Boone’s Creek Baptist Church in Lexington, KY.  The conference is on Nov. 3^rd (Saturday).  For more information on the conference you can go to   here .  I hope you singles out there will plan to come.  It will be a great day of studying God’s word and fellowshipping with other believers.  Some of what I have talked about in this post will be more fully fleshed out there.  Hope to see you there………